I started drafting this post about five times, circling around different topics and ideas, wondering what to say about a new year. Usually in January I will make dream boards and visual representations of everything I’m working on, everything I want to get done — they get stuck around my house, in my bedroom, over my sewing machine, in my closet. Often I’ll also organize the goals by putting the most achievable at the bottom and the most far-fetched at the top. Something to reach for.
This year, I started plotting my ideas but I sort of ran out of steam. I noticed that a lot of things that would be at the top of the old boards were missing or had changed into a new form.
I’m hoping that the through-line-of-‘me’ can carve its way through my other endeavors.
Music is one of those mutated objects in my life. A few years ago, it was an unwavering and non-negotiable part of my life, and the other plates I had spinning simply circumnavigated Music. That meant starting a quitting jobs to alternately support myself and tour, it meant expense and travel, it meant defining myself by a lot of traceable measures.
When I put out Perfect Shapes, I was really worried that the sonic world would put off people who loved Night Night at the First Landing. It’s a sort of tired old trope of any musician, but there’s a worry about alienating people with one’s own curiosity. (I think it has something to do with job security.)
I remember then working on a few records with my friend Olivia Gerber (shoutout + rec, go listen) and discussing this same topic. What’s the continuity? Why is it so important to us as consumers? How can you straddle the line between continuity and avoiding alienation while also exploring your interests and remaining fresh and interesting enough for a few blogs to write about you?
Obviously that’s a tall/ impossible order. The continuous line is, of course, you. You were there for all of it, and maybe (in fact, definitely) there are some people engaging in your music who are just curious what you will say next, whatever the tone or timbre or instrumentation may be. Maybe even whatever the medium may be.
That worry has decreased over time, but I honestly can say that it feels like a 2023-colored veil has dropped from over my eyes, and the feeling that’s really coming over me lately is curiosity. I’m interested in how I may write differently with a few new understandings about myself.
I’m hoping that the through-line-of-‘me’ can carve its way through my other endeavors. There’s a project that is very close to my heart that I’ve finally started actually working on, and I will tell you about it here, but I’m just not ready yet… strange how some things feel automatic and some things feel like huge esoteric risks.
For now I have decided: Rest and Quiet bravery are in for 2024.
Some recs:
I’m still trying to figure out of this Substack from Slavoj Žižek is actually THE Slavoj Žižek and not some combo of ghost writers and bots, but honestly I don’t care, it’s a good read and I’ll take a little philosophical prodding where I can get it. Smoking Considered as one of the Fine Arts
Always love everything Blake Mills and this came out last year but really been repeating this song over and over.
Okay!! I’m a Captain Beefheart head now!! YES I’m late to the game and YES I’m fully obsessed! The other day I told someone I was ‘worried about anyone who hasn’t heard this song yet’ and I stand by that.
drop me a line — trying to just hang out on substack and my email these days.
xoxoMaddie
Steely Dan and now Captain Beefheart? You are my human spirit animal. Honestly pretty much everyone who likes Captain Beefheart is late to the game. I’m just old enough to have heard him on the 1st go around but I dismissed him out of hand. Too weird. Zappa I could do but not this. Decades later I heard Don Vliet had died and out of curiosity I listened to Trout Mask Replica and was gobsmacked. How could I have missed this? Why didn’t I tell me? Every time I listen to Captain Beefheart I break out into a big stupid grin. Enjoy.